i, hipster, also hate..

Most of the Members of My Gender

Craig: What are you doing tonight?

Hazel: Dunno. Otis just texted me asking the same thing. Gus and Faceplant are gonna have people over later, I guess, and supposedly Luca’s having some party. But I bet all those stupid Columbia girls he hangs out with are gonna be there so I don’t really wanna go.

Craig: I think some of us are gonna go to Sheena’s gallery opening thingie and then smoke at Regina’s, you wanna come?

Hazel: Ugh, I cannot stand either of those girls. They’re so fake and like, guy-obsessed. Like everything in life is about meeting guys.

Craig: Uh, aren’t almost all of your friends guys?

Hazel: Yeah, cuz girls are bitches! They’re all judgmental and catty and into gossip and shit. I’m such a dude at heart. I was totally born into the wrong gender.

Craig: Maybe that’s why that guy mistook you for a man from behind at the Charleston on Tuesday.

Hazel: Whatever, it isn’t my fault that I look good with short hair and that every male on Bedford is wearing a plaid shirt on his emaciated shoulders and skinny jeans over his girlishly small hips. Hey, I might just go to Milo’s and drink beer. He got She’s All That at a stoop sale last weekend for, like, 25 cents. On tape.

Craig: I don’t get why you guys aren’t dating.

Hazel: No way, man. I love Milo so much. So much. He treats the girls he dates like shit, he knows that. Right now we’re like, best friends. We would never go and fuck that up by dating. Fuck, no.

Craig: But you have fucked.

Hazel: Whatever.